Grades!  As soon as a child hears this word they know that back to school time is on the horizon. It’s the dog days of summer and the anticipation of all the pending hard work can be very stressful for some kids. Read on for some strategies on how to help balance the pressure to get good grades while trying to actually enjoy the learning processs.

School can be a high-stakes, high-pressure situation for many kids. The pressure to perform well may actually harm a child’s confidence. This in turn hinders their ability to learn.  Likewise, It can be difficult for a parent to figure out which strategies are actually effective in balancing out the stress. 

A successful learning experience isn’t just about getting good grades. Your child needs to be taught how to learn. As a result they should be able to remember what they’ve learned, think for themselves, ask questions, and wind up confident in their abilities. This is much easier said than done. Remember, children learn in many different ways, and to help them you might just need to find the right way of learning for them. For example if you are adventurous, allowing them to go on classic student tours, listen rather than read, or make the lessons more interactive.

Here are some tips to help you get off on the right foot this school year and keep the momentum going all year long. Here are some simple tips to help you keep your mind on what’s most important for school success.

Strategies to help balance the pressure to get good grades while trying to actually enjoy the learning process.

Do’s:

• Pay attention to the process, not the end result.
• Encourage kids to speak up and advocate for themselves.
• Think about the long term.
• Stay on a good sleep schedule.
• Love and encourage the child you have, not the child you want.

Dont’s:

• Worship scores.
• Encourage helplessness.
• Compare to other kids you know.
• Love kids based on how well they do.
• Value the process more than the final result

If you’d rather your kids stay curious, interested and eager to learn, here are some ways to foster a genuine love of learning: 

Young children they are very curious. They are starting out on a lifelong journey to learn about and control the world around them. As they reach out, fall, and get back up, they feel more in control and competent.  Around kindergarten, society starts to put less value on the learning process and rushes them to get to the end results. Kids tend to lose their desire to learn when they are constantly motivated by things such as stickers, points and charts.

Don’t Put Report Cards On Social Media Or On The Fridge

• We can tell our kids that we value learning as much as we want, but when highlight their grades and put them on the fridge, we show them that the grades are what we value most. Grades are a necessary evil but they can be an incomplete way to measure learning. They are an “extrinsic motivator”.  Extrinsic motivator’s decrease long-term motivation, kill creativity, and encourage cheating. Some schools have actually stopped giving grades based on letters and use reports that are based on mastery instead. No matter how good your child’s report card is, bragging about it  teaches them that your love and approval depend on how well they do in school.

Pay Attention To What They Did To Get That Grade

• When we don’t care as much about the number at the top of the page, we can start asking our kids questions like, “What did you do to get this grade?” Which ways to study did you find helpful, and which ones did not? What will you do differently the next time around?
• Look forward not back. No matter the grade the next question to as is “How are you going to use this experience to look forward?  How are you going to grown next time around?” This method is especially good for kids who are anxious or focused on being perfect. Many children get trapped in a negative feedback loop. They hyper-focus on their grades. Shifting their attention back to the process can make them feel better, especially if we help them focus on the parts of learning that they can control.

Talk to your kids about your own successes and failures. Show them that you are interested in learning:

Check to see if their teacher uses a reading interest survey to gather a better idea of where they are and how they could be struggling. 

Value Goals Over Grades:

Setting goals as a family at the start of the school year  is a simple way to invest in the process. Keep the conversation light and easy. This isn’t about getting better grades. Instead, it’s about helping everyone in the family learn.

Before you set new goals, take the time to look at how well everyone did with the ones they already had. Every month or every semester, go over these goals. Talk about why you didn’t reach your goals and what you’ll do differently next time. If you do well, celebrate your success!

• Everyone, including parents, sets three short-term goals.
• Focus on once easy tasks or change you can make. For example,  “I’m going to go for extra math help from my teacher this month”.
• At least one of these three goals should be a little harder. After all, this is how we grow our minds and make new connections in our brains that help us become smarter, stronger, and better at learning.

Keep An Eye On The Long Term:

Education its a lifelong process. Think about where you want your child to be in terms of skills and growth in a year or five years. Your child may have forgotten to hand in their math homework today but you can parlay that into a lesson on how not to forget it in the future.  Learning builds upon itself! The good news is there is always room for us to build confidence in ourselves going forward.  Grades may be a benchmark but need not dictate our educational journey.